Thankful!

Of course I'm thankful to be alive and here, watching the dog watch Charles eat pizza. I'm thankful for the meta categories, friends, family, relative health. I spent the first part of this week fighting an errant bug that led me to sleep about 16 hours a day. Today, I spent the first part of the day at chemo as my nurses get a day off on my usual Friday--isn't that good? I figured my pals would have to work and I'd show up to oppress them on Friday but they get to be human and real, and I'm thankful for that.

In considering thankfulness, most of mine is rather specifically focused. So here's a partial list, and by  far not exhaustive:

Bridget

I'm thnakful my niece decided to lose weight for herself. I'm happy she's grown up to like herself, everything else is either cake or static. She bangs out her makeup like a pro, and looks like a model. No mere boy is going to be good enough.

Amanda

My little niece has two adorable children and a husband I like to fuck with. I really couldn't ask for much more. Well, I would like to eat when I go to her house, but I do get to bitch about everything, which she encourages, because she is a bitch and I'm proud. In our family, we own it.

Kathy and Chano

My niece used to just be irritated by me, but we've both grown up. I enjoy her eye popping bitchiness and she enjoys mine. I like her husband, a sensitive intellectual traveler. Kathy was the first of my nieces and nephews, my sister Barb's first. She carries her mother well, and I miss her less when I'm around KJ.

Jim and Debbie

My oldest brother doesn't let me down. He took me to the drive-in in his cool Mustang in the Sixties, fed me potato soup when my mother couldn't make it home to fix dinner. He married a quiet woman named Debbie who turned out to have a wicked sense of humor and the biggest heart. I love them both because my life at every step has been better with them in it.

Jason, Jeremy, Jennifer

Jim and Debbie brought this tribe to life. They are foul mouthed, vulgar, loving, fabulous people. I couldn't enumerate the number of times they have amused the hell out of me. Like their parents, they've only made my life better . They continue to fascinate me, Jason with his beautiful daughter and his two sons, Jeremy in his first house, Jennifer who married my sweet Roller, a Debbie-level addition to the family, their boy Logan who is polite and sweet and 15-and I can't wait until he goes as wild as his uncle...

Dale

When my sister married Dale in 1966, I thought he was a tool. Well, however a six year old thinks an adult is a tool, I thought it. Growing up, Dale would say things like "practice makes perfect" that made me want to smack him, but as I grew more, I came to appreciate the qualities that drew my sister to him: steady, predictable, knowable. Further, I came to know the greatness of Dale's heart, and i am still amazed by it. We often say we don't know the heroes amongst us. I do. Dale is one of mine.

Charles

18 years after meeting a long haired, wire rimmed glasses wearing organ student at The Other Bar in Bloomington,  there's still no one I'd rather bitch talk with, sit in front of the television and scream at commercials with, criticize grammar in the Times with, or have sit with me when I'm in chemo. I don't think everyone gets to meet the person with whom they have compatibility, empathy, and a great deal of love. I did.

Friends

I don't predict I'll like people, but I usually instantly know that I do. I knew it the first day of SLIS 505 when I sat next to Galadriel and Donna came in wearing a sweet dress and heels to class when the rest of looked like denim warmed over. I loved Karen in 503, who studied Farsi because she dug Iranian guys and was a mess who was a genius. I worked with Katie but that was because in her interview she was awesome and I just wanted to KNOW that woman. In my India Studies interview with Dr. G and Lil Jan, I wanted the job, but I wanted the people more--Dr. G because he's international level brilliant and Jan because she has international level love for others, and it shines through her, and you can see it and feel it.

Healh is wondrful, happiness is great,  Without people, these people, and alot of others,  I wouldn't have survived my first round of cancer. I had moments of intense doubt, intense grief, I felt intensely how much I'd lost and thought I didn't want to live without those things. But I thought of how much the people in my life would be disappointed that I went down like a bitch, without a fight. I thought of how I told them I was though--was I now going to be a liar?

Well, no. And I love you all, and I'm thankful for that.